It has been a month since I last edited. I had the excuse of busy at work and busy at home with crocheting my mom’s shawl, but the last week and a half I have had no excuse not to edit. It is just that every time I even think of picking up the big stack of paper I still have to trawl through I cringe. I feel very disheartened at the thought of how much rewriting my story still needs before I am happy to pass it on to the next reader (who will then undoubtedly suggest even more twists and changes). Part of this has to do with the cold outside and the desire to stay in bed with a book, which I have been doing a lot of lately. I have also neglected my journal writing and even my blog posts have not been as frequent as I would like.
When I was in the Netherlands two weeks ago, I stayed with my brother and sister-in-law for a night. My sister-in-law asked about my book and I explained I am a little stuck in the editing process. My brother piped up with: “But why do you want to edit and rewrite it? What is the point?” To be honest, for a split second, I agreed with him in my heart. What is the point indeed? I will never be a published writer. I hardly have the energy to read through a few pages of my book after a full day of work, let alone go through the grueling process of editing and rewriting to get it in shape to be sent to publishers. And then the process of writing a good pitch, the thought alone makes me want to crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head.
But, I do know that I need to rewrite and edit my book to the best of my ability. I know that until I do that, I will not be able to be proud of it, as it will not be my best effort. I do not see the point in leaving the story as it is now. Sure, it has a beginning, a middle and an end. But that does not mean that it is finished. My book is not ready to be read by even my closest family members or friends. It needs polishing, it deserves polishing. And I promised it, myself and all the future readers that I will eventually get around to editing the whole thing.
Just maybe not yet this week. First I need to find my motivation again. Any suggestions?